Opinion - Developers Drop Their Seventh Deuce on Downtown

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By Mark Baratelli
Oh eff you downtown developers with your shifty fingers and puss-dripping grins. While us plebian locals have been mind-fucked into thinking downtown Orlando is the future, watching skyscrapers announcements pile up and gaggles of apartment buildings sprout up, you're busy killing any chance of a decent retail scene building downtown! You're charging retail rents only vomit-spotted brands can pay. We shat ourselves when we got a Walgreens. AN EFFING WALGREENS.

Now downtown Orlando's SEVENTH 7-11 is coming to the very last vacant commercial space in Crescent Central Station's already shitty ground floor retail lineup. In the pre-construction renderings, the word "restaurant" sits elegantly above the entrance of the space. In the Master Sign Plan for this space submitted to the City, the 7-11 logo death drops to a squat waiting for applause.

No restaurant. All bullshit.

This building's entire retail offering is crap including:
  1. Planet Smoothie
  2. Dunking Donuts
  3. Philly Connection
  4. Elegant Cleaners Tailor
  5. Envy Nails & Spa
Go to hell downtown developers. We see you.

Instead of this:

We're getting this: